"Matzoh Bits" and other nonsense

Everyone knows matzoh (sometimes spelled matzah), the famous Passover crackers which actually exist due to Moses and Co. not budgeting their time properly. Well, I'm sure if you're not Jewish, for some reason you think that Jews LIKE eating matzoh. As a matter of fact it's unbelievably tasteless and dry; it's supposed to be some kind of reminder of the pain and suffering experienced by the Jews in Egypt.

(Jew) You know, in Egypt, Jews were slaves, and they were mistreated, and all that.
(Gentile) That's terrible!!
(Jew) But now, we have to eat matzoh.
(Gentile) GOOD GOD, MAN!!
* Gentile faints in shock.

So matzoh is tasteless. Well, why sit around and just LET IT be tasteless? It's one of the tenets we follow here at Cynicism Personified that when something isn't good, you need to complain about it and hatch a plan to fix it.

Enter Matzoh Bits. Take matzoh, slice it up into chips, and add salt, sour cream and onion, barbeque, nacho cheese, cool ranch, pizza, garlic and herb, or honey mustard, among other flavors. If it's possible to do this, add grease. Put into bags and market. Instant snack!

The same could be done for other ethnic cracker things. Like those Chinese noodles that you put in soup. Just ripe for the snackifying.

The sad part about all this is: these things would actually sell.

Posted by Andre at May 16, 2004 04:16 AM